Reflection on the Adolescence Series – Our Boys Need to Be Connected with Their Fathers

Picture captured from the Adolescence series

We watched the Adolescence series the day after my son turned 13. As a psychotherapist, I was deeply drawn to this series, and like many others, it left a lasting impact on me.

This series explores powerful themes of mental health, intergenerational trauma, and family relationships—reminding us just how important it is for our children to feel seen, supported, and loved.

One of the moments that touched me the most was when Jamie recalled playing football (soccer in the U.S.). He said, "He'd cheer me on and everything, but when I'd fuck up, he'd just look away." Jamie then added, "Sorry." and "Ashamed." Later, his father, Eddie, shared his own perspective on those football moments: "I just stood there on the side of the pitch, while all the other dads were laughing at him."

This scene resonated deeply because I’ve seen similar situations so many times at the hockey rink. When a young player makes a mistake or has a tough game, some fathers become so overwhelmed that they have to walk out. On one hand, I understand—they are likely trying to manage their own emotions. But on the other hand, what does the child feel in that moment? Probably something like, "I embarrassed you." And that breaks my heart. I often find myself silently hoping that the child doesn’t notice their father leaving.

But here’s the truth—when our children are struggling, the last thing they need is for us to walk away. They don’t need us to be perfect; they just need us to be there. If we, as parents, can practice regulating our own emotions and stay present, we can provide the encouragement and support our children need—especially when they are brave enough to step into the arena and give it their all.

When Jamie’s father, Eddie, reflected on his own childhood, he shared, "Sometimes he'd take the belt to me, and he'd fucking whack me, and he'd whack me." Eddie made the courageous choice to break the cycle of violence he endured as a boy. But no one ever showed him how to express love and care. He shared that he just wanted to do better. He tried his best with what he knew—something I believe all parents strive to do.

Raising children in today’s world isn’t easy. But every day, we have the opportunity to heal, to grow, and to show up for our kids in ways that perhaps no one showed up for us. We don’t have to be perfect parents—we just have to be present, open-hearted, and willing to learn alongside them. Because at the end of the day, the greatest gift we can give our children is ourselves.